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I’m About to Reveal the DIRTIEST Thing About Me

SPOILER ALERT: Things are about to get heated.

I’ve lived in my condo with my boyfriend for almost exactly one year. We like to keep our space very clean and organized. There’s one area of the home, however, that has not been touched since we bought the place last summer.

The microwave.

I know my mother is shielding her eyes from the image of my tomato-sauce-splattered-old food-baked-on-crusty-residue-filled microwave. Although the rest of my house is clean, organized, freshly vacuumed, and not a dust bunny in sight, my microwave has gone untouched for nearly 365 days.


The reason I never clean it is simple: I don’t think about cleaning it until I open the door to use it. At that point, if I’m using the microwave to heat food (versus the oven or stovetop), then I’m probably pretty desperate to eat the food and therefore have no interest in cleaning the thing first. I can’t see the mess when it’s not in use, so the cycle restarts as soon as I close the door and inhale whatever leftovers are currently steaming hot and kind of chewy in my¬†Tupperware container.

Lori’s microwave isn’t that bad. She said in her text message to me:

It’s really not fair. I cleaned it this year.


I’ve got you beat, Lorax. I haven’t even reset the clock on the damn thing since we lost power a few weeks ago. Whoops. Does that bother you?

This article will be updated as soon as Jeff provides me with a photo of his microwave. I’d actually bet that his microwave is pristine. He has a few quirks that fall slightly¬†outside of his Perfectly Parsons character, and I think his microwave cleanliness is one of them.

What does your microwave look like? Can you stand the embarrassment share a photo with us?

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