This Reddit Post Is So Maine I Can’t Read It

This post was clearly written by a local Mainer (read: someone whose Maine lineage traces back multiple generations) and for someone who's new to Maine, it reads about as smoothly as a voice text from my dad.

The sign-off suggests we're talking about... fishing?

Who can provide a word-for-word translation for this girl from away?

Usually I can go to the comments for some context, but in this case the equally Maine replies were no help:

Are we talking about home improvement now with the paint? Alewives and shad? What's the Big Jab? I feel like this is a paragraph from the critical reading section of a standardized test and I'm failing hard. I have so many questions.