Dear Stranger on My Plane,

I first noticed you when we were waiting to board our flight from Boston to San Francisco. I noticed how you and your buddy coworker were standing directly in front of me loudly comparing complaints about your other coworker. You were standing directly in the middle of the walkway while people struggled to maneuver around you with their roller bags. I watched you for a few minutes, in awe of how oblivious you were to how loud and obnoxious you were talking, and the effect you were having on the flow of traffic.

I was relieved to hear your boarding group called and wish you farewell in my head... until I boarded and looked for my seat only to find that I was stuck in the middle, between you and your obnoxious coworker. I anticipated you asking if I would take the aisle so you could sit together, but you let me step over you and get settled in the middle while you continued to talk over me.

I deliberately leaned forward and took longer to get my headphones out of my backpack than was necessary, hoping you would naturally end your conversation, but you sure didn't! I spent more time than I would like to admit wishing you ill before I resigned to zoning out at Crazy Rich Asians, followed by Oceans 8, followed by The Shape of Water.

Long story short, I recommend you anticipate your need to converse with your friend and have the wherewithal to relieve a stranger from having to suffer between you for six hours. Please.

Love (that I'll never see you again),


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