Dear Canada: I’m Sorry, But I’m Not Stopping A Moose From Licking My Car If It Tries
I have a lot of friends that have admitted to not watching the news anymore because they're sick of hearing about COVID in the headlines (same, honestly, so how about we smarten up and do what we need to do to protect each other and get rid of it) -- ESPECIALLY when we got the COVID/election double whammy.
So, I'm here to not only spread positivity, but a news headline that's not COVID-related, but is as equally as important.
Don't let moose lick your cars.
No, seriously. Do NOT let moose lick the salt off of your cars (ya know, eventually, when it stops being 60+ degrees on December 1, 2020 in New England and it snows). Seriously, though, I know I'm being a wise guy, but this is a legit thing/concern.
According to Channel 8 WMTW (and seriously, what a time to be alive for this to be an actual headline/news story), Canadian officials are urging citizens to not let moose lick their cars. Like, this is such a legit thing that there are big electronic signs being put up on the roadways that say, "DO NOT LET MOOSE LICK YOUR CAR."
Quite honestly, I find this so amazing that I may road trip to Canada this weekend just to see one of those signs in person. I may legitimately go through the hassle of crossing the border JUST to see that sign. Can you imagine pulling up to border police, too?
"What brings you to Canada today, Jadd?"
"Honestly, officer, I have no business other than trying to see a 'no moose licking' sign. Can I cross into the country, now, please? I promise I won't let a moose lick my car."
All joking aside, though -- have you ever seen a moose in person? Somehow, even though I've spent most of my life in New Hampshire, I can say I've only seen one once, and it's burnt into my mind so vividly that I almost think it was traumatic. I was headed up to my Dad's house in Berlin, NH, and was nearing the turn from Rt 115 to Rt 2 in Jefferson, when out of NOWHERE this gigantic MAMMOTH moose pops out of the woods and darts across the road.
Now, mind you, at the time I drove a teeny weeny Honda Civic. I'm pretty sure this moose could've pooped on my car and totaled it. THAT'S how massive this moose was. Anyway, I wasn't the only one that freaked out, because the tractor trailer in front of me a little ways slammed on the brakes and fish-tailed a bit. The truck was a good couple hundred feet in front of me, but I still slammed on my brakes.
All while the moose just trotted across the street. At its own pace, almost floating. Almost taunting us. I'm pretty sure the moose looked at us and yelled out to his other moose buddies, "HA! LOOK AT THESE TWO STUPID HUMANS! NOW WATCH ME DANCE IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS ROAD."
Long story short, Canada. I'm sorry. But if I'm ever driving in New Hampshire or Maine, and for whatever reason I'm parked (whether I'm broken down or sightseeing or something), and a moose comes up to me and is all, "I'M GOING TO LICK THE SALT OFF OF YOUR CAR AND YOU'RE GONNA DEAL WITH IT!" -- I'm not going to object. I'm not going to talk smack back to a moose trying to lick my car.
If a big ole New Hampshire or Maine moose is trying to lick the salt off of my car, I'm going to just sit there calmly and watch it happen, and try to figure out the best way to explain to whoever is at my eventual destination why I have a big wet spot on my pants. (Or, I'll do what this person did and just roll video on it, because seriously, this moose looks adorable and reminds me of my dog Remy giving kisses.)