Yeah, you actually read that right the first time.

It seems impossible, right? That somehow the divorce rate in Maine directly correlates to the number of people eating margarine in Maine? Yet, here we are in the upside-down. All that's possible is now impossible, and all that's impossible is now possible.

I thought it was a joke when I first read about it on Reddit. And it probably still is a joke in its own way, but it does seem like the numbers don't lie. So what lies beneath all this? How could two things so seemingly unrelated, come together in such eerie sameness?

Image via Reddit / u/MegaPremOfficial
Image via Reddit / u/MegaPremOfficial

Let's start with the obvious...

Margarine is gross. We may have eaten it when I was a kid, and guess what? My parents were divorced. As I got older, I got tired of the way that margarine made my toast soggy. Like, as soon as you put it on there, it just turned my toast into a handheld toast milkshake.... except with absolutely no dairy in it at all.

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If I think about it right now, if my wife all of a sudden switched us out to margarine full-time, I might actually consider filing for divorce. So is that the ticket? Is it the lack of real butter? Or maybe someone else's soggy, wet I-can't-believe-it's-not-toast finally drove them over the edge.

Or maybe it's something even more obvious.

Let's talk about who eats margarine. The last place I saw copious amounts of it being used was on an episode of Honey Boo Boo. There's probably a real name for that show, but who cares... It was Thanksgiving and Mama June shoved two whole tubs of Country Crock inside and all over their Turkey Day bird.

Maybe there's a connection between income level and margarine. And maybe that same connection applies to the divorce rate. Most divorces are over more tangible things like lack of income or marrying too young, etc. Margarine is cheap, and a lot of young folks don't always totally understand the difference between that and butter.

But, the numbers don't lie.

Between 2000 and 2009, the two sets of numbers are nearly identical. However, if you look at the graph, you'll see two important things. 1) The rate of margarine usage went down. 2) The divorce also took a big dip. So not only did people manage to stay together more consistently, people stopped eating that crap fake butter.

My advice to you is that if you're having any problems with your marriage right now, go look in the fridge. If you see that stupid little tan tub of solid vegetable oil, throw it out and run to Hannaford's immediately. Go there and simply empty the butter aisle. Grab salted, unsalted, name brand, generic....... buy it all.

Then go home, look at your spouse, and just apologize. Just dump all that real butter out on the table, all 50 pounds of it, and save your marriage. Show that person you're in it for the long haul, not for the trans fats. Show them you're willing to make your bad cholesterol go up. If true love really does indeed conquer all, you'll be just fine...

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