Read One-Star Reviews for Portland’s Five-Star Restaurants

The internet is a very useful tool for finding the latest hot spot in town, but it's also a deep abyss of negativity and trolling. You take the bad with the good, and restaurants get the worst of it with the infamously entitled Yelpers who take to their phones the instant something isn't to their liking.

Let us reflect on some of the worst reviews for the overall best reviewed places in Portland:

1) Too Bad, So Sad

Mr. Two-Star here has had quite enough of these tiny toasts. He's ready for fois gras "appertizers" to be served by the bucketful on baguettes.

2) Portland Posers Invented Posing

The thing about posing is you're usually posing *for* someone. Who does this bro think we're trying to impress? The lobster fishermen?

3) Wasteful Waffles

Are you hoping to get an entire waffle cone batch crafted just for you? Well fuggedaboutit here, kid. They friggin' SAVE their ingredients! Fiasco, I tell you.

4) There Can Only Be One

Why try out a new place when you already found a good place? Options are for WUSSES.

5) Everyone's Flavorite Customer

...so you wouldn't be rude? Alas, you missed the mark, friend.

6) God Forbid Extra Samples

Knowledge of stores' inventory aside, this staffer was inconsiderate enough to serve up *extra samples*. The nerve.

7) Holy Popular Donuts, Batman!

That's a long commute for a donut... Are you a cop? You have to tell me if you're a cop.

8) Too Big. One Star.

This reviewer may not be able to describe the quality of the food, but he's got the quantity down. Too. BIG.

9) Sitting Is Hard

One-Star Jack here doesn't fancy waiting for a seat. He also doesn't understand seating logistics of rush hour.

10) Cheese IS Amazing, Though

Who doesn't appreciate abundant amounts of cheese?! One star means *bad*, dude.

11) Not An Expert

Very astute of this Yelper to acknowledge he may not understand Otto's pizza intentions.

12) Deal wit it hon

If a diner doesn't have a snarky chain-smoking waitress, is it even a diner?

13) The Music Is What?

I couldn't hear you over my "indecisive" one-star rating.

14) Maybe She Should Sell

A word to the wise: The whole *point* of owning the restaurant is not having to interact with customers like these. Let your staff handle the public - apparently they do it well!