Hey... I'm trying, ok?

Now that we have a house with a pretty long driveway, my girlfriend decided to get us a snowblower. Great! I may have neglected to mention that I've never used one of these things before, so there's that.

Not a big deal, right? How much different than a lawnmower can this thing really be?


The electric start didn't work. (I think.) This is one of those fancy ones with the auxiliary electric start in addition to the pull start thingy. So, me being me, of course I opt for the push button start. Didn't work. Once, twice, three times. So I make sure everything's set to start, and then I try again. Nothing. They all told me that the electric start is always easier than the pull handle thing. So as I brace my soul for the mind numbing process of ripping on this stupid cord to get the snowblower to start, I reach down and *barely touch* this start cord, and the thing roars to life. I mean I barely even pulled the cord handle out of its cradle, and that was enough to start 'er up. I'll try that first next time.

Handlebars Are Hard. So once this thing's making a godawful amount of noise, I'm ready to go, but I didn't immediately grasp the difference between the throttle and the auger. I also learned that the scary blades of death on a snowblower are called augers. Sorta like that thing in my pellet stove. Just picture me frantically trying buttons and levers on both the right and left sides to make the snow stop shooting directly into my face. Thankfully, all of our security cameras were pointed away from the spot where I humiliated myself in front of my cats, who were looking on from the warm inside.

Just when I think I've got this whole snow removal thing under control, the wind picks up. Anyone who's ever used one of these things before can tell you that's either not a big deal (if it's blowing away from you) or a massive problem. We're talking about me and power equipment here, so it was a problem. I was still trying to figure out how to swivel the snow blower thingy when a blast of wind blew a load of snow right into my face, down my hood, and into my coat. I started feeling like Charlie Brown at this point.

Then, just as I thought I had a (somewhat) successful first outing, my rubber LL Bean boots slip on my brand new shed ramp and I went flying head over heels, just like in a cartoon. We got a great shed from the people at Shed Happens (love that name), and we got one of the super sturdy ramps that wouldn't get all nasty and cave in after a few years. Turns out, it was so well-built, it repels snow, sleet, leaves and my Bean boots. That perfect combo of fluffy snow and shiny new wood was a killer. I looked up and checked to see if any of my new neighbors saw what happened. I think I'm in the clear.

Then, I started to feel a little less like Charlie Brown, and a little more like Clark Griswold on Christmas Vacation.

How was your snow day?

Screenshot 2018-11-16 15.44.08

More From Q97.9