Can You Make Sense of This Really Weird Online Review of Portland, Maine?

Now that Portland, Maine, has become such a hot destination, there's bound to be some people who come visit the city and leave with negative feelings after a bad experience. There are plenty of places on the internet to vent those feelings, including a city-review website called BestPlaces.net. But this particular review was shared on Reddit by sidewaysplanet, and it's so spectacularly odd that it simply can't be real.

There's a lot to digest here, from finding out you're allergic to corn on the cob during a cookout with your homeowners association to the idea that your blood type is somehow a matter of national security. Even though this review is nearly five years old, aren't you just the least bit curious about meeting the man known as "loud boat Greg", and hear his side of this girlfriend-stealing story?

The biggest jam in this review though? The idea that whomever wrote this review sold their car before moving to Portland because a friend told them Portland had a subway. How do you miscommunicate so much that you mix up a multi-car subway system with a chain restaurant that makes footlong sandwiches? So many questions and only one jumbled paragraph to glean answers.

One thing this strange review has achieved? Likely turning away at least one person. You know there's somebody out there who read this and took every word as gospel. Now they tell their friends that Portland, Maine, is filled with a lack of public transportation, chain restaurants, cruel condo owners, and of course, "loud boat" Greg. What a world.