I Discovered the Cure for Dry Maine Winter Skin at Trader Joe’s

In the season of chapped lips and scaly legs, I present to you a cure (and a cheap one at that), available now at your neighborhood Trader Joe's.

I was perusing the health and beauty section of the store on impulse because I'm an American, when I picked up this salt scrub tub.

"Mmm, lavender!" I thought, "Relaxing scent? Exfoliating power? Nourishing oils? A couple bucks? Count me in." I tossed it in my cart and rolled forward a few feet.

I smacked my lips and realized I needed to apply the hourly (at least) shmear of chapstick to my mouth. Reaching into my pocket, I realized I'd left my tube at work and was therefore WITHOUT MY LIP LUBRICATION IN PUBLIC, in essence, a winter nightmare. I grabbed the first thing I saw that said "lip" on it and hurried to the checkout line. Honestly, when I grabbed this lippy miracle product, I thought it was just a twin pack of chapstick, but upon closer inspection (after buying it, of course) I realize this was a lip "scrub" (?) and a lip balm pair. I read the instructions and tried it once I got home, and LET. ME. TELL. YOU. I had the lips of a Kylie Jenner-impersonating instagram influencer in seconds flat. No joke, this stuff make your disgusting dead lip flakes evaporate into thin air and replaces them with supple, soft smackers you'll just be dying to use (in my case, on my dog's forehead).

My experience with the salt scrub in the shower was similarly mind-blowing. While the smearing of oily salt all over your body (focusing on notoriously dry areas like your elbows, knees and heels) is a little weird and seems somewhat pointless, the calming scent of lavender makes it a pretty enjoyable process. But it doesn't even compare to the aftermath of that witch serum. For the entire rest of the day your skin will feel like you spent hours at a salon being massaged with rich oils by Jean-Francois, but without the awkward and unforeseen sexual tension in the room.

I urge you to march straight to the beauty section of Trader Joe's if you have recurring dry lips or scaly skin like I do in the winter time. Save yourself hours of tedious lotion and chap stick application and feel like the queen of winter!