Hello!

I'm guessing you're here for one of two reasons:

1. You're a woman who's beyond frustrated with your significant other and you're curious if I'm able to articulate why you're feeling the way you're feeling.

2. You're the s.o. and you're sick and tired of her expecting you can just read her mind.

This is inspired by a long-standing argument between couples and recently this TikTok highlighting the conflict:

@http.emilyws##duet with @sofia.s16 Playing videos around my bf till he does cute things for me ##parttwo ##love ##cute

♬ I just want flowers - Sofia. S

I shared the TikTok on Twitter thinking it was pretty self-explanatory and laughing about the guy in the duet but then I was hit with comment after comment from guys saying things like, "Why do women expect us to be mind readers.", "Just tell us what you want.", "I know so many women who don't like flowers." and so on.

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So I'm here to set the record straight.

No functioning woman expects you to read her mind. Let's end that narrative.

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What they do expect is that if you're in a relationship, you care about her, and through caring about her you recognize what makes her happy. It is also assumed that being in a relationship it makes you happy to make her happy and vice versa.

Still with me?

This is where "mind-reading" comes in.

Being in a relationship you have probably picked up on her favorite candy bar. Her hobbies. Her interests. Perhaps her favorite flower. (Usually, unless she straight up tells you she doesn't like flowers, she likes them.) That's not mind reading. That's relationship 101.

Those little surprises of our favorite candy bar, or cooking our favorite dinner or, yes, buying us flowers means SO MUCH. And it's not because of WHAT you bought or WHAT you are doing. It's why. It's that you're showing that you paid enough attention to remember what we enjoy.

So, that's why in the TikTok she said she can't tell you she wants flowers. Because then you're buying them because you were told. The flowers are irrelevant. She wants to feel like you pay attention and that you care. If she wants flowers (candy, chicken nuggets, etc) she can buy them herself.

One example that may help if it's still not clear is one using the parent/child relationship. I remember as a kid really liking these fudgy chocolate protein bars. I never asked for them, but my father saw that I liked them and would periodically get one for me. It's been between 15-20 years and I still remember that. It's so simple yet so powerful. Another example, ever have a coworker bring you your favorite coffee or donut without being asked? If your coworker can do it, why can't you?

And no, before any dudes get their panties in a bunch this isn't even remotely man-bashing. I think a lot of couples deal with this and yes, sometimes the roles can be reversed.

So there's my unsolicited relationship advice today. Now go and do something randomly nice for your partner without being asked. Yes, it could be flowers. It could be cooking dinner. It could be bringing home his/her favorite beer or ice cream It could be doing the dishes or folding the laundry. You know your partner. You know what makes them tick. Good luck!

-B

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