Five Words I Hoped to Never Say: My Mom Has Cancer, Again

Do you ever feel like maybe if you don't say certain words out loud then they don't have to be true? But the minute you utter those unspeakable words into the universe it;s like, BAM! Now it's real!

If you've been listening to the show for a bit, you might remember me opening up about my mom being diagnosed with cancer in 2021. I had a really hard time saying it out loud, and found creative ways to avoid saying "my mom has cancer". Even when I shared the scary news with Steven, I said "they found some cancerous cells". As it turns out, not saying the words doesn't make it any less true.

Mama Lew powered through radiation, one smile and killer outfit at a time. I mean, the nurses looked forward to seeing what she would wear every day. She couldn't disappoint them. That's my mama! Every day is a fashion show, and the world is her runway.

In September of 2021, she completed her radiation and we appeared to be in the clear!

Fast forward to January of 2023. We got the terrible news that Mama's cancer showed up again, and this time it's more aggressive.

Today, I felt ready to talk about it on the show (I'm really not ready, but it was therapeutic to talk about it nonetheless). Here's the clip if you missed it:

As I said on the show, I am having a really hard time. No one wants to watch someone they love go through this.

Here's my mama yesterday at her first round of chemo. She's putting on a brave face, but I know she is scared as all heck:

My mom and I are best buds. We have nicknames for each other that make zero sense to other people. We have inside jokes galore. We are constantly quoting lines from Sex and the City, Friends, or the movie Waitress. We like to dress alike. Trust me, I know I am well past the age where this behavior is considered cute, but it makes us happy, so we do it anyway.

You thought we only did it one time? THINK AGAIN!

I don't just want my best pal to be okay. I need her to be okay.

Being this vulnerable is a little scary, and I was apprehensive to do it. I never want to come across like I think my problems are more significant than anyone else's. I am fortunate enough to have this platform and be able to share my life with you. I know for a fact I am not the only person watching someone they love battle this terrible disease. If that person is you, guess what? You are not alone.

Maybe you have been putting on a brave face and showing up to work like nothing is wrong, but all you want to do is stay in bed all day and watch reruns of the Gilmore Girls. You are not alone. 

Maybe you have been carrying this heavy news with you day after day and keeping it to yourself because you don't want to burden other people or be considered a downer. You are not alone. 

Maybe you try to distract yourself by going out with friends but then you end up feeling guilty about it because why should you be out having fun while someone you love is suffering? You are not alone. 

If you are going through a hard time and need someone to talk to, I am here. I know it sounds cliché, but I truly believe that life doesn't throw us anything we can't handle. We will get through this. <3