Four Words I Hoped to Never Say: My Mom Has Cancer
Do you ever feel like maybe if you don't say certain words out loud then they don't have to be true? But the minute you utter those unspeakable words into the universe its like, BAM! Now it's real! I've been getting really creative these last few months and finding ways to avoid saying "my mom has cancer". Even when I shared the scary news with Steven I said "they found some cancerous cells". As it turns out, not saying the words doesn't make it any less true.
I'm not going to get all deep into Mama Lew's diagnosis but here's a brief summary: Last month she had a surgery which we hoped would take care of her cancer. Unfortunately it didn't and now she has to have additional treatment. If you or anyone you love has been affected by this disease you know it is an emotional roller coaster. You get good news, then bad news, then good news, and bad news again. It's a wild ride that no one wanted to be on in the first place.
My mom and I are best buds. We have nicknames for each other that make zero sense to other people. We have inside jokes galore. We are constantly quoting lines from "Sex and the City" or "Friends" or the movie "Waitress". We like to dress alike. Trust me, I know I am well past the age where this behavior is considered cute but it makes us happy so we do it anyway.
You thought we only did it one time? THINK AGAIN!
I don't just want my best pal to be okay. I need her to be okay.
Being this vulnerable is a little scary and I was apprehensive to do it. I never want to come across like I think my problems are more significant than anyone else's. I am fortunate enough to have this platform and be able to share my life with you. I know for a fact I am not the only person watching someone they love battle this terrible disease. If that person is you, guess what? You are not alone.
Maybe you have been putting on a brave face and showing up to work like nothing is wrong but all you want to do is stay in bed all day and watch reruns of the Gilmore Girls. You are not alone.
Maybe you have been carrying this heavy news with you day after day and keeping it to yourself because you don't want to burden other people or be considered a downer. You are not alone.
Maybe you try to distract yourself by going out with friends but then you end up feeling guilty about it because why should you be out having fun while someone you love is suffering? You are not alone.
If you are going through a hard time and need someone to talk to I am here. I know it sounds cliché but I truly believe that life doesn't throw us anything we can't handle. We will get through this. <3