Dear Super Ridiculously Offended Grocery Store Dude,

Why? Like, as a dude that quite honestly is probably Boomer age or just shy of it, why the wicked defensive, snowflake attitude? Especially when I literally did nothing and you were the one that encroached all up in my space?

I was in the frozen pizza aisle well before you -- and actually, I was in the entire aisle by myself. So it's not like there was anyone in your way, my way -- nothing like that. And the most mind-blowing thing in this whole situation is you acted like I came at you, and I literally did nothing but try to help you.

Let me rewind real quick to catch you (and any reader with eyes on this) up to speed.

Townsquare Media / Photo by Nadine Shaabana on Unsplash
Townsquare Media / Photo by Nadine Shaabana on Unsplash

This particular grocery store we were at in Maine had a special on select brands and styles of frozen pizza, and it's my belief that everyone should always have an emergency frozen pizza in the freezer, because you just never know.

And while I was scanning the aisle for a specific one on sale, that's when you strolled into the aisle, and honestly you were super nice and friendly. It's not like there was any drama right off the bat.

It's not even like there was any drama period until your out of pocket reaction lowkey created one.

You sashayed your way into the aisle, a good few feet from me, looking a couple freezer doors down from me as I was scanning, and dropped a polite and friendly fellow shopper frustrated quote.

Not a big selection of what's on sale and what we're looking for, huh?

And it's not like I blew you off or gave you body language to tell you to mind your business, because I responded with a, "No kidding, right? You have to get here as soon as the sale starts or you're screwed."

We both kept scanning, and you and your cart moved closer to the area I was standing. And closer.

And closer.

And a bit closer. Until your cart was practically pressed against my hip. So, finding it pretty clear you were in desperate need of seeing all the contents of the door I was standing in front of and about to grab an item from, I grabbed my cart and cleared the way for you.

Here, let me get out of your way.

It wasn't said with any snark, it wasn't said with any dirty look, it was simply a "Let me move out of your way before I have a permanent imprint of a shopping cart on my rotund booty."

And after about 45 seconds when it hit you that I was still in the aisle, just on the complete opposite side of it still looking, that's when you responded with an offended, defensive, tone.


I didn't even respond as you spewed that sentence while walking away, because honestly I was partially confused, but also at this point in my life, I'm mostly just exhausted over stupid, senseless, not-even-needed drama, so I just don't engage.

So, rest assured fella, I wasn't upset with you or heated or angry or anything of the sorts. I was just trying to not feel as suffocated as someone metaphorically getting humped by a brand new excited puppy would feel, so I gave you some space (and got mine back.)

Nothing to be offended over. I'm not sure who hurt you, but not everyone is out here randomly attacking you for no reason. But if you're going through something, I truly hope it gets better.

And I hope you enjoyed your pizza.

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